"You can't just give me another"

As news broke of the tornadoes that ripped across the Midwest and South, God began reminding me of where I was almost exactly 4 years ago. My heart began to sink as the memories played like footage of an old movie in my mind. I silently sat on my on sofa looking into the woods that were filling with rain, knowing that hundreds would have no home left. If they had anything left, chances are it'd be in pieces.
You see, four years ago on spring break, I was serving with my youth group as a leader and helped take the junior and senior high to Louisville, KY. We went to pick up the aftermath of  "2008 Super Tuesday Tornado Outbreak"  This tornado outbreak included 87 tornadoes, over a 15 hour period on February 5th and 6th. This outbreak claimed the lives of 57 people, the most deadly outbreak since 1950.
We arrived in Louisville about a month later and late at night so we didn't really know what to expect. We settled into a church's gym. Girls on one side, boys on the other. After we got all set up the kids went to bed and the leaders stayed up a little later and chatted. We went to bed late that night. As I crawled in my bed (yes, bed. I took my air mattress, sheets, and blanket) I laid my head on my pillow and began to pray. I prayed for wisdom to be a good example and leader to the kids. I prayed for the families and people we'd come into contact with and opportunities to witness to others. I wanted God to prepare my heart for what He'd sent me to do. I went to sleep feeling pretty good about the trip. I woke up to the sound of kids laughing and chatting. I laid in my comfy bed a few minutes longer and surrendered my day to God. The church where we were staying had their youth group serve us our meals when we were at the church, mostly breakfast and dinner. I met Lauren, a girl just a few years younger than myself.  She was wearing a tshirt, Soffe shorts, and cowboy boots on her feet. Her hair was in loose braided pig tails and she spoke with a strong southern accent that was hard to understand. She explained to me that she had not been to where the tornado struck (the next county over), in fact, she didn't know anyone who had. It appeared that Louisville just kept going and didn't even stop to help.
The kids gathered in front of the church and Rob pulled up the big white bus. We all got on and headed to our first clean up site. We took our garbage bag and began to fill them up with trash. We cleared the field and moved to the lot next to it. This lot wasn't just a field. This lot was the remnant of someones home. I held back tears as I picked up socks that belonged to an infant and toys that had once been loved by a little boy. Someone even found a photo of the family that had lived in the house. Just as I suspected, a little family of four. Mom, dad, a toddler, and infant. I couldn't imagine the grief of losing everything that I loved. I couldn't imagine my home being literally being ripped to pieces. We cleared that lot and moved to the next one. This lot had a partial foundation, a well, and a large tree still standing mangled by siding. On the tree we found a plaque of the 10 Commandments, someone had placed it there after the storm. It was in this lot we met the owner of the house. Her stories were so gripping it was hard to do anything but listen. We gathered around to listen to her account of the storm. She made it out of her house in time and was able to seek shelter. When she returned to her home to collect her belongings the plaque was one of the only things left. What the tornado had not destroyed FEMA cleaned up before she had a chance. She longed for her photos and memories of her life before.
She continued telling stories- the neighbor from across the road was seeking shelter from the storm in his bathtub. The tornado tore apart his home and he was flown across the street and ended up in the still standing tree, suffering only a broken bone. Two little girls were rolled up in rugs and placed in a closet. After the tornado had passed the closet was the only part of the house left, the girls were untouched. Story after story of miracles. In the midst of such tragedy Gods presence was so obvious.  I had this sinking feeling in my gut as we learned of family whose toys and socks laid scattered in the field. They never had the chance to grieve the loss of their home and precious memories. They died in that tornado.
 I learned a lot that day. I realized how much I loved my stuff. I learned that in a matter of seconds everything can change. These are both things I knew before, but cleaning up toys that belonged to a baby in heaven changed everything. I knew I had to change.
I also struggled a lot on that trip. The more of my ugly, selfish heart God revealed, the more I desperately wanted change. At one of the clean up sites a student had accidentally (I assume it was an accident) stepped on my expensive purse on a bus seat (why they were walking across the seats I didn't know until I started nannying, boys will be boys) but I was so frustrated. I clearly remember thinking "God, you know this was one of my favorite purses and I can't afford to replace it-- why did this happen. It's not like You can just give me another one"  I went to bed that night with heavy heart. I had just picked up the remnants of peoples lives and I was concerned about my purse. How ridiculous. I immediately asked for forgiveness when I woke up in the morning, knowing that God, the Master of this universe, would have a plan. I just figured it was His way of showing me how selfish I was.
He did have a plan. He always does. His plans are far greater than ours, and far better. On one of our last evenings of the trip we went to visit a local church members (one who had been helping us out) little gift shop. It was cute, it had lots of stuff in it. An old house converted to a shop (I think they may have lived in part of it but I don't quite remember) She also sold Vera Bradley bags there, which happened to be the kind I had at the time. I pulled my big bag around my shoulder and asked if she had heard of any fixes to a problem I was having with mine (a closing issue) and she looked and said "hold on, I have something in the back" She walked back in the room with a brand new bag, the exact same style I had. She pointed out the left side pocket was missing a string, but that it was easily fixable. Her words still echo in my mind- "I can't sell this, it's damaged. You can have it." I was astonished. She just handed me a $100+ purse and told me to keep it. My mind dashed back to the night before "it's not like You can just give me another one" It was this incredible feeling of guilt. In all my ugliness I told God he couldn't.  But the reality is God can. He does care about us. He does love us. He wants us to have the desires of our heart and He wants us to live life abundantly.
My thoughts and prayers are with those who have been affected by recent outbreak. Be sure to take a few minutes to pray for them and for those who will be going to help rebuild the communities. Just because news coverage is just about over doesn't mean we can forget or move on. Many of these communities and lives will be forever changed.